The Beer Bored

What or who is the beer bored? Unlike the appointed governmental body that holds reign over those who choose to engage in the questionable practice of peddling intoxicating beverages under 6.3 % alcohol (in Tennessee), the beer bored are those who are tired of pedestrian beers. That's not to say that members of the beer bored don't appreciate a good session beer or a refreshing light lager every now and then,- there is a time and place for the comfort of beers.  Romance novels are a dime a dozen, but there is only one Romeo and Juliet. A million picaresque heros have  entertained us in literature and film but there is only one Huckleberry Finn or to a much lesser extent Joel Goodson (Risky Business). What makes these superlative examples so extraordinary is not just quality- it is the creative endeavor of the author to craft something that is not only of high quality but also unique.  

The beer bored (sometimes referred to in derogatory terms as Beer Geeks) are greatly excited about the creative possibilities of beer. The beer bored go straight to the strangest, most unlikely, amalgamation of flavors on tap. Beer bored members literally vibrate with anticipation at the prospect of experiencing a peanut butter and bacon beer, a oak aged chipotle peppermint porter, a sour elderberry and muscadine Kriek, a cedar infused moroccan tobacco brown, a kumquat I.P.A., or a date and cinnamon braggot. Sometimes, the execution of these creative formulas do not result in the transcendent and vividly the imagined taste experience the beer bored anticipate Never mind- the thrill is in the hunt, and the experience will be retold in glowing or less than glowing terms as a uniquely personal event. For a brief moment, the beer bored became beer excited and inclusive to the creative process. This experience is not unique to beer but could apply to almost any creative discipline including literature, dramatic arts, visual arts, cigar rolling  or coffee roasting. Perhaps the psychoactive actives of alcohol contribute to the a larger population of beer bored, but the population of beer bored are growing at an exponential rate. Some even become nascent brewery owners.

On the other side of the coin, there will always be those who appreciate not being challenged with the unique and unusual and resent these affronts to their comfort zone. In some sense, these individuals do not experience boredom as the beer bored know this emotional state. Instead, these individuals (who also form groups) may feel threatened by unpredictability of the creative process and the weird ones who engage in that process.These will figuratively kick the crap out of the creative process until they see a clear payment schedule and promise to cease and desist. These do not care to participate. These do not care to understand. These do not care to listen. These have a tight schedule. These are firm believers in the clarity of black and white, and in fact, have come to doubt the existence of gray.  Often these are in positions of power and can destroy a creative enterprise with a sweep of their pen. Luckily for the weird and beer bored a small  percentage are members of the other party. Some can be pacified by a contrite nature and may appreciate a seeming conversion to the logical religion of  regulation.

The battle lines are drawn.

The beer bored and the breweries who contribute to their quest require weapons to defend against those enemies who would actively or  passively contribute to their demise. But this goes to a much bigger picture-It's not just the elimination of boredom that is at stake. The ability of any artist, craftsman, and small business owner to take creative risk relies on the support of the audience/customer. Would we rather view sunflower and sunshine hotel art? Do we prefer the consistency and long shelf of processed foods? Is generic watery beer the bomb? Will Chattanooga become a little weird or obsess over the regulation of food trucks and same sex benefits. 

 In the black and white world of the weird phobic, the beer content, and uncaring bureaucrat   the god given ability of the weird to articulate is useless. Money is useful. Paid professionals-lawyers, architects, electricians, and politicians are useful. Volunteers are useful. Money is useful. Money is useful. M-O- N -E -Y is useful. Look at the creative enterprises that have prospered in chattanooga. They had grants, backers, loans, public support and sometimes all four. It sucks. I know. It is counterintuitive to the creative process. No one wants to claim it accept the most fervent pure capitalist, but it's a fact of life.

At Moccasin Bend Brewery we spent money on architects and engineers and tried to quietly improve a situation we inherited. We also spent money on the production of beer, beer taxes and a millon other necessary expenses. We created a business savings account and saved in anticipation of a fiscal emergency. That emergency happened on friday January 31st around 9 p.m. Our situation is detailed on our facebook page. The bottom line is we continued to spend on all the regular expenses plus additional expenses to correct electrical and fire issues with very little revenue. So far, we have covered all of February and are now into the first week of March. Money is becoming tight and we have launched a kickstarter to help save our little brewery. But we're not crying in our beer, we've been overwhelmed with financial and emotional support through our kickstarter campaign and if you would like to contribute you can here:

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/chrishunt/moccasin-bend-brewing-company-reopening?ref=home_location

Enough of our sob story, we love puns and minor jabs at the powers that be and that is why, upon re-opening our business we will be forming a collective body called The Beer Bored. The beer bored will consist of five members. We will be immediately accepting nominations- send them to bendbrewing@yahoo.com or message us through facebook. upon re-opening 3% of our monthly gross will go to fund the beer bored. In turn, the beer bored will vote on the funding of artistic projects or projects that promote tolerance and inclusivity or both. The will focus will be on St. Elmo but not exclusive to St. Elmo.
We are immensely grateful to our weird, beer bored and we will support them. The battle lines are drawn and we've chosen a side. The future-she's a clear (and bright) one

'Join us for the tapping of Bitter Notes from The Bend and Super G IPA!'

'Join us for the tapping of Bitter Notes from The Bend and Super G IPA!'

The cask tour continues, "Freejacks" and new taps

Well it appears that I've sold and cajoled enough cask beer that it has become much more acceptable to put a cask on tap in chattanooga. After three seperate cask openings at Tremont Tavern, one at riverside beverage and now two upcoming for Deluxe bar and Grill. (they hope to maintain two at all times!) chattanooga's finally coming around live ale. And for us it's actually a little easier to package. Three casks await their destination in the cooler , right now. So this is a segment of the tap wars were doing pretty good in--which is a refreshing change. other than cask tap handles are even more difficult to get into with the entry of New Belgium into the market. The bike giveways are cool, the tap handles are cool, the neon is cool and Beasley distributing has access to every retailer that carries Bud and Bud light. I could go on and on about marketing giveways that do nothing but dent the brewery budget and retailers that have grown so accustomed to freebies that another from a small brewery that can barely afford to them is fairly worthless.

Wonder what a neon sign costs anyway?

Bottles are another segment that's doing pretty good for us and greenlife grocery has helped a lot with that effort.

Lately, I've been lucky enough to actually receive some unpaid help at the brewery in the form of what Mark Pinsinger at Williamsburg Brewing calls "Freejacks". Both Eve and Rufus actually showed up more than once and, helped label bottles and move coolers in anticipation of our new tasting room makeover. Thanks Guys! Oh yeah, also Andy, who promises to assist in some electrical endevavours.

I hear the " I want to come by and learn to brew" all the time-Also, the "I'll work for free" spiel.
Usually I never see these people again-so thanks again you three.

Free beer works wonders for some.

So we added 3 new taps to the tasting bar and we actually have room for three more with the hellacious Perlick keg cooler Duncan (business partner) snagged. This is in addition to the beverage air single keg cooler I located on e-bay. all this is in anticipation for our new regular tour dates at 1 pm on saturdays, and 2 pm on sundays. Every weekend. I also moved a juke box"her name is Miranda" down, that promptly stopped working after we got her in. But I'm working on that(Amp went) and we have four exterior tables with shade umbrellas. I'm looking for items to add outside that kids can enjoy so the whole family can stop by and not feel left out.
Ideas? anyone.

Anyway I think we are changing and growing slowly but surely and this spring and summer look like they should be a fun!

Would you know a beer engine if it bit you in the ass?

I'm just asking? Cause I've been toting this thing around chattanooga for almost four months now, if you count the southern brewers festival and it's a hoss. And I've done a lot of explaining. See, it's not good enough that our production is on the level of some homebrewers and our market penetration aint penetratin' ( O.K. I'm gonna avoid the obvious double entandre') I gotta go and try to introduce chattanooga to "real" cask conditioned ale pumped through a british beer engine that would make a helluva boat anchor. But damn....that beer is good! especially when that cask is first tapped and the sparkler head stirs up all that hoppy malty flavour (as the british spell it) and aroma. Ok I would write more but I gotta grab a 60 lb cask and a 50 lb beer engine. I'm gonna have to get some steel toed galoshes.........
(oh, by the way, for those with the sore butt wondering what got 'em, (unless you're in prison..or got way to drunk last night..) a beer engine is the mechanism that pumps the beer from the cask throught he sparkler head. (that's another story...)

The temptation of tours

We ran three tours last saturday and had a blast. Biggest problem for me is that I enjoy the tours to much and don't know when to end the tour turned drinking session and go home. The more I stay the more I want to stay and it has a definite effect on my productivity the next day. Oh well I could have worse problems, anyway to all those who attended last saturday, thanks for showing up! and I hope to see you again!

Free Beer Blues

Ok, don't get me wrong, I love free beer. I even enjoy my own free beer when I get to share it with others. That's the fun of beer, it's a social drink. I especially enjoy the tours when I get to share our beer with newcomers. That being said, I'm getting tired of the constant free beer requests "All we want is a few kegs, it'll be good publicity for you" is the constant refrain. Never mind the fact that kegs are a losing proposition from the git go with as much as a 60% markup by the time the retailer buys them. And never mind the fact that my volume constantly limits my inventory and I have to brew like a fiend to keep up with even low level sales. Apparently, I have a beer and money tree growing in the back of the brewery. The local non profits cry out their support for local breweries but never buy, just beg, for beer. Summer and not December is apparently the giving season, as every organization under the son rallies the faithful and requests, you got it-free beer.

Ok I'm done bitchin' about the free beer requests. And if you ever see me, I promise I'll buy you a beer. Or at least give you some of mine.

Beer Selling Bulls**** er Blues

Most of the week at the brewery has revolved around labels that won't adhere to wet bottles. Confirming delivery of sold kegs and bottles and then waiting on the actual pickup and delivery. Since we operated in a three tier state. I sell to the wholesaler, the wholesaler sells to the retailer. Three price markups, including mine before the beer gets to the customer. So since I actually do the majority of the selling, (my wholesaler also has a sales staff who do quite well collecting vacations and incentives from bigger breweries than mine-(They sell some for me too, I'm not complaining) I sell the kegs or cases , then call my wholesaler so he can pickup the keg or case from the brewery and deliver it to the retail location. The disconnect comes during the pickup phase. Most wholesalers receive the merchandise via freight. So the delivery to the warehouse is taken care of. It's a rare wholesaler (distributor) that has brewery in the same town. Especially with craft beer, a lot of the beer is shipped from colorado and california-craft beer mecca. In my case the manager, a salesman, or a delivery person picks up the beer from my brewery when they remember and if they have the time. It's very frustrating to listen to a retailer that wants my beer yesterday and is less than 1/2 a mile away but can't get it because my wholesaler hasn't picked it up.It's hard enough just to keep tap handles with the our brand avaiable, The competition is fierce and beng local does'nt mean much to some bar owners. The other day I had the owner of a local bar tell me my keg of beer had gone bad. I checked it when it was placed on tap, gave a sample to the bartender and a customer-no complaints. That was on Monday. A few days later I went to give the bar some promotional pint glasses and I noticedthey had pulled my keg and replaced it with Boulevard Ale. I call him and he tells me the beer's tainted. So I pull my keg out of the walk in, pull the bud light connector and hook my keg up. I give samples to a customer, the bar manager, and the bartender. All say it's fine. I try it and I know it's better than fine. If by bad he means rich malt background, spicy hop presence, some alcohol warming, caramel and a small amount of diacytle and aroma atttributes and a slight mint almost medicinal tinge from dry hopping Hallertau whole hops. Yea- he's right. The complexity of that beer vs the boulevard is laughable. It's almost a double ipa that shows some strong ale characteristics. I'm not being immodest, just honest. So I walk the keg down the street to a multi tap bar and offer him a deal he can't refuse. Problem is, I can't bring a keg in. Only my distributor can. So I cut the air on in the car, call my sales rep and ask him to get his ass down there pronto cause I'm pissed and I can't wait to tell that other bar owner that the beer he called tinted is pouring just fine down. So my rep meets me at my car, I give him the keg and he carries it in to the other bar -(it's a 1/6 barrell) Then just cause I'm still pissed I go and sell two other kegs to two other local venues that appreciate how hard it is to survive as a local business here

You gotta love this business